Currently Playing Almost Here By Academy Is see related

Wow. Thats the only word that I can use to describe the last seven days of my life.

It all began friday at 10:30 PM, when roughly three hours after picking up my car from getting "repaired", it caught fire in the parking lot in my apartment complex. I am still dealing with the reprocussions of that as I type, and need to get a lawyer here pretty quickly.

So in the midst of this mess, my best friend comes in to town for vacation. Pittsburgh isn't where most people would pick to spend a vacaation, but hey, its me, and I bring the fun. Now, when Ryan and I get together, its always eventful, even if the "event" is just us getting drunk and breaking things on the street. This time was no exception. I should have known that when Monday night rolled around, we were having conversations with bartenders about naked pictures of a girl who just completely embarrassed us in front of everyone, that this week would be interesting to say the least. It was. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday all completely challenged me, and my outlook on life.

The crazy thing is that I am hearing all sorts of stories from people on how their life has been crazy lately, ranging from relationship issues, to stolen property, to death. I guess someone is out to test us all right now. Anyhow, here is what has been going through my head...

My whole life I have been of the mindset that life is full of certainties. When I get something in my head, and think it is truth, it is almost impossible to get it out. I am just a little bit stubborn.

Somehow this week I let down my guard. I never do that. Maybe I was just worn out from the hectic evening I had Friday. Maybe I drank too much. Maybe I was just comfortable. Maybe it just happened. All I know is that once it happened, I saw many of the "truths" that I had placed in my mind and set in place like brick and mortar challenged, and some of them crumbled before my eyes. Not only this, but in the 4 days that Ryan was here, I watched as he was going through something very similar.

This week has left me with the overwhelming feeling that we are not in control of our own lives. We like to think we create our own destiny, and in a sense, we do, in that we can choose what we eat, what we wear, where we go, and the basic path of our lives. I have always believed that there are some things in life that just choose you, that God has a plan for everyone, but I guess this week has shown me that maybe what we can control is even less than I had previously thought.

But what do we do when our lives take a turn, and seem to be spinning out of control? What do we do when something challenges our core, and screams of new direction?

Honestly, there is no set answer to this dilemma. But the decisions we make in times like this are what define us. Do we stick to our guns, stick to our old routine, stick to what is "comfortable", even though we know that that very thing is being challenged and turned upside down? Or do we let go, and say to hell with old truths and old ways? Obviously the latter is the riskier of the two options. But the adage "with great risk comes great reward" has been told time and again for a reason: its true. Ultimately, you can choose which path to follow, and hopefully it is the path that leads you to ultimate happiness. Believe it or not, happiness still is the most important thing to work for in life.

As for me, right now I'm feeling a bit risky. I think I have reached a point in my life, yet again, where I need to let go of everything I have built up inside my head, and let God point me in the right direction. Ultimately, it all works out for the best.

EDIT: As I have pondered this whole thing, I think maybe sometimes challenges to your ideology are just that and nothing more. They are just there to get you to open your mind, and nothing more.

And on a side note, do yourself a favor and check out www.tuckermax.com.

Currently Playing Never Take Friendship Personal By Anberlin Time and Confusion see related

"When Time and Confusion Collide"

Decisions, Decisions. How do we make them? This has sort of been the topic of pondering for me as of late. And yes, I know, it has been a long time since I last posted. Deal with it.

So there are many different ways we can make decisions. The most logical, and classical way to make decions is purely economical: you look at your options, and decide which option will cause you to give up the least, or what is least important. From the purely economical standpoint, there is an opportunity cost for every decision, which equates to whatever is given up if you choose a certain option. The purely economical decision maker will always pick the option with the lowest opportunity cost.

Wouldn't life be so much easier if we could just make every decision on an economical basis? Unfortunately, as humans, we have the added complexity of emotions: love, passion, desire, fear and everything in between. When you through in emotions, the economic decision making process is pretty much out the door, because emotions can severely alter, or appear to alter, the opportunity cost of a certian option.

So how then do we decide what to do in our lives? Obviously, daily decisions are much easier, like what to eat, what to wear, whether to actually GO to class, etc. But we also are faced with some pretty major decisions in life. What is ironic, is that us younger people seem to have even more of these major decisions to make, all while we have the least amount of experience in making such decisions. Needless to say, we tend to "screw up" our lives at a much higher rate than say, our parents generation.

So what about these major decisions? Honestly, at this point in life, I don't know how to answer that question with 100% certainty. Maybe I never will. I do know that many times in life, I have put up big opportunity costs, and sacrificed some crazy things, and it has led to great rewards. I used to think as economically as possible, and tried to reduce risk as much as possible. But with great risk comes great reward. Just ask an venture capitalist or hopeless romantic. I guess at this point, the approach I take is like this: First, think about what is involved, both in an economical sense, and in an emotional sense. Surely the economics and traditional "experiences" in life are not all that is to be gained and lost. There is much more. So when you think about these things you could gain, or you could lose forever, ask yourself, what will make me the happiest? What, if successful can lead to a higher guarantee of fullfilment? What is truly important? Also, ask yourself, what can I make up later if I sacrifice it right now? What must be done now, and what can be done later? And finally, ask yourself, what, and who will be there no matter what decision I make? I tell you, it is that last group that is most important.

Currently Playing Hide Nothing By Further Seems Forever Call on the Life see related

"Lack of contentment is the result of the terrible burden of wanting life on your own terms."

I recently read the above statement, and I was floored (thanks Emily). Think about that one for a second. Now think about all of the things that you are discontent with. Why are you unhappy? What in your life disappoints you?

Now ask yourself this question: these things I am not happy with, who's ideas are they? Are they things I want for myself?

Now I think you see why this statement is profound. Most of us in this country are lucky to live pretty advantaged lives, yet we are still not happy. We are not content with what we have been given. Why is this? Are our basic needs not met?

Really, the answer is quite simple. We as humans are selfish. We as Americans are even more selfish. We think we know whats best. The whole "you can be anything you want!" mentality has gone to our heads: instead of taking this statement as inspiration as to our capabilities we take it as "dammit I will be what I want, and someone owes it to me!" We have taken this attitude and applied it to our lives in every way: I should have the friends I want, I should have the job I want, I should have the the stuff I want, the people I love should be exactly as I want them, my goals should be what I want. It is the American way.

But we are still discontent.

We are humans: we are fallible. Is it any wonder that when our desires are based on our own fallible thoughts and actions that we wind up discontent?

I admit, I am the same way. I know a lot of my desires are selfish, and maybe that has led to a lot of the unhappiness I have experienced in my life. But there is one thing I do know: on the times I truly given God control, and let my actions follow where he led me, I was my happiest.

This is not an easy thing to do. I am not even sure that the act itself is the same for every person. Often, people (myself included) think they are giving God control, when the truth is they are just transferring their own desires and wishes onto God.

I guess when I look back, the times that I was able to really let go, and not just transfer my selfish desires to God, were the times I listened.

 So here is my suggestion: take time to listen. For a moment, an hour, a day, put aside everything that the world casts in your direction. Stop listening to the cold, selfish, logical thoughts that we are tought by the world, by ourselves, and by the people around us, and listen. This is what has led me to my happiest moments in life, and has left me content even when it seemed I had very little.

Currently Playing Destination: B-Sides By Mae Suspension see related

So an interesting point was raised to me the other day: isn't it strange that when you open a newspaper, there are all of these horrific stories, and right next to or below them, there are advertisements for the hottest new shoes, cars, surgical procedures, and many other things we just must have.

What is amazing about the whole thing is that it is a perfect representation of what we have become as Americans: We pick up the newspaper, read about how bad other people have it, and then browse around to see how much better we can have it.

Here is an idea of what is going on in the world around us for those of you who haven't paid attention to the world lately. I Pulled these headlines off of various internet news sites:

Cops: Couple Sought to 'Sacrifice' Kids on Altar

Teen Terror Suspect Arrested

For those wounded in Iraq, the battle is a long way from over

Small Plane Crashes, Kills 5 in Texas